Romance Is Overrated
by Ichigo No Ki
Summary: Three stories about three couples celebrating their love on valentines day. Romantic? Think again. IshiHime, IchiRenIchi,GinKira.
1. Bean Paste and Custard

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Bleach or any of it's characters

Dedicated to Tebbyxxx

**AN: Yeah, I know it's not valentines day, but this is a present for my friends for White day, so read it anyway and review please.**

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**Bean paste and Custard**

The classroom was filled with excited chatter as students of Karakura high school animatedly discussed their plans for this evening. Valentines Day was here and it seemed like you couldn't go anywhere without girls giggling over their crushes or guys talking about how they were going to score tonight. And frankly, Uryuu just didn't see the point. I mean it was a pointless holiday made just so that couples could boast to their single friends that they have someone to love. However the young Quincy was not in a relationship right now and never had been, and it just irritated him the way people were gushing over corny heart-shaped cards and acting like they'd lost all self-respect.

That was why he was sitting, slightly separated form his classmates, planning on murdering the next person who even mentioned Valentines Day to him.

"Happy Valentines Day Ishida-kun!" Or maybe not. Uryuu looked up at the familiar voice to see Inoue-san standing there proudly, beaming in her usual too-cute way.

"Inoue-san." He greeted nodding his head respectfully. Her smile grew and he couldn't help but to smile back at her. She blushed lightly for some unknown reason before pulling out a little red box.

"I made you something. I hope you like them." She told him brightly placing it on the desk in front of him eliciting a deeper blush upon the fifteen-year olds face.

"Th…thank you Inoue-san." He managed out whilst he studied the card attached to his present which read simply 'Happy Valentines Day.' And it was at that moment that he forgot all about his hatred for this day, about how irritating the lovesick fools he was ashamed to call classmates were acting, because it was at that instance he became a lovesick fool. This was his first valentine and he never thought he'd be so affected by it. He lifted the lid to find a large variety of heart-shaped chocolates and although the slight bit of pride he hadn't lost protested at the sappiness of the whole idea, Uryuu couldn't help but blush even redder at the thought that Orihime had put so much effort into something for him. He looked to see her watching him expectedly.

"Are you going to try them?" She asked when she saw that her gift had been well-received. And of course he picked up a chocolate and put it in his mouth.

And a minute later he was gagging.

"Inoue-san what did you put in these?" He choked out forcing himself to swallow the disgusting tasting sweet. Not realising what kind of reaction Uryuu was having, Orihime continued to smile brightly.

"Custard and bean paste- my own recipe!" she answered him excitedly "aren't they delicious?" In reply, Ishida-kun stood up and ran out of the room; sounds of someone throwing up following soon after.

Orihime's face fell. Ishida-kun was sick and it was all her fault. She couldn't quite grasp why her cooking had made him ill though, I means, she loves her bean paste and custard valentine's chocolates. She makes them every year for Tatsuki-chan, and she hadn't complained once about them. Speaking of, Tatsuki was swiftly making her way over to where Orihime was standing dejectedly, Rukia walking alongside her.

"Orihime, are you okay?" Tatsuki asked concernedly.

"Where did Ishida-kun go?" Rukia added.

"I think I poisoned him." Rukia blinked but Tatsuki nodded in understanding.

"Did you give him your bean paste and custard valentines chocolate?" Orihime just nodded tearfully.

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Erm...yeah...review! next chapter : IchiRenIchi 


	2. Reluctant Romeos

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

**Warning: contains yaoi and maybe swearing**

Dedicated to Mimi, Happy White day!

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****Reluctant Romeos**

Ichigo sat peacefully under the tree, blissfully ignoring the conversation of those around him. His eyes were closed, blocking out everything but his own thoughts, a tranquil sort of calm hard to come by with people like Keigo hanging around him. And sure enough, his reverie didn't last long before he was interrupted, however this time it wasn't Keigo who was poking him. He opened his eyes to see pretty brown eyes staring down at him.

"Kurosaki-kun?" Orihime questioned. "Are you awake?" he raised an eyebrow before answering with a simple.

"Yeah." He moved to sit up straighter, re-familiarising himself with his surroundings as he did so. Rukia sat with a group of girls from his class, Tatsuki being one of them, Chad and Mizuiro sat nearby to Uryuu who was, having finally finished puking up, sitting beside Orihime. Orihime had felt guilty after nearly poisoning the Quincy and hadn't let him out of her sight as of yet. Keigo, strangely enough was nowhere in sight.

"I was wondering where you're going tonight." She asked curiously. Ichigo was just about to answer that he wasn't going anywhere tonight when all of a sudden when a brown-haired fifteen year old boy fell out of the tree he was sitting under, right into his lap.

"Ah ha!" The boy, otherwise known as Asano Keigo cried out. "YOU'RE GOING OUT TONIGHT! ON VALENTINES DAY! YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND!" He cried excitedly, tears falling from his eyes as he began proclaiming loudly how proud he was of Ichigo finally getting some.

"But…"Orihime started confusedly. "Abarai-kun isn't a girl." Keigo stopped dead.

"You're….you're….." he stuttered out before passing out. Ichigo stood up and kicked his unconscious body away before sitting down and closing his eyes once more.

"Kurosaki-kun's got a boyfriend?" he heard a feminine voice ask. He forcibly opened his eyes to deny it only to come face to face with half the girl's in his class. There was a whole thirty seconds of silence before…

"What's his name?"

"Aw, that's so sweet."

"What does he look like?"

"Is he a good kisser?"

"Have you had sex yet?" he frowned at that last one, wondering why the hell Rukia was joining in with the rabid mob of girls that had now separated Ichigo from anyone slightly masculine.

"Er…." He froze not really knowing why these girls were so interested or which question to answer first.

"Are you taking him out tonight?" a voice asked from somewhere near the back. He decided that was a simple question he didn't mind answering.

"No." He told them. The reaction to that one simple word was instantaneous; the girls gasped as one, shocked that they weren't going out on Valentines Day.

"But why not? It's Valentines Day! You have to celebrate Valentine's Day!" a random girl told him instigating a murmur of assent for the other girls.

"Um….I don't think he cares much about Valentines Day…." He told them uncertainly.

"Nonsense." A voice near the front countered, Ichigo turned to see Rukia there, shaking a finger at him. "I'm sure Renji would love for you to take him out." She advised him. He shot her an annoyed glare at her smirking face when she said that, but it wasn't long before she was hidden by the swarm of girls that moved to surround her.

"You've met him?"

"He's called Renji? Renji Kurosaki! That's so cute!"

"What does he look like?"

"How long have they been going out?"

Ichigo shook his head still trying to get over the incredibly surreal event he'd juts experienced. The girl's were wrong. Renji wasn't really expecting him to take him out was he? It didn't seem like something Renji would do...damn! Why were relationships so fucking confusing!

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Renji lay down on Ichigo's bed bored out of his mind. Ichigo was due home soon and Renji was hoping he'd get some food out of him. Urahara and the others were still guilt-tripping him into not eating as much as he'd like and he was starving. However in desperation for food, he'd forgotten that Ichigo was at school and figuring he wasn't going to get a lot out of his boyfriend at school, he'd decided to just wait for him to come home. 

He didn't mind the wait that much; he just occupied himself with thoughts of food and Ichigo to pass the time. One thing was bugging him though. And that one thing was none other than Kon. Ever since he'd jumped through Ichigo's window about half an hour ago, he'd had to put up with Kon moaning about being a stuffed animal and how Ichigo didn't treat him right.

"Shut up, would you?" Renji shouted from the bed.

"See! See! Nobody treats me with respect!" He started ranting. "At least, I'll be rid of Ichigo tonight!" He huffed, pronouncing the wonders of spending a night without Ichigo.

"Wait, where's Ichigo going?" Renji interrupted. Kon stared. Renji stared.

"It's valentines day." Kon broke the silence.

"What's that got to do with anything?" Renji asked perplexed.

"What do you mean 'what's that got to do with anything?' you're his boyfriend! Are you that stupid?" Renji just watched on unable to grasp what Kon was hinting at.

"You're taking him out, dumbass!"

"I am?"

"If you cared about him you would."

"Well, we haven't actually planned anything…"

"So? Surprise him. He'll love it."

"Er….really? Doesn't seem the type to care about all that romance crap…"

"I know he might not act like it but behind, Ichigo's cold, stoic exterior lays a sensitive feminine side which just begs to be pampered and love for she really is." Renji raised an eyebrow. "Trust me, treat him to dinner; he'll love it."

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_That evening._

"Why are we here?" Ichigo turned to look at his incredibly stupid boyfriend. Sometimes he really couldn't remember why he loved this freak so god damned much. They were at a restaurant on the expensive part of town, they'd been waiting for nearly an hour to get their table and both men were getting extremely cranky.

"You asked me to come here, idiot." Ichigo snapped at his lover.

"Yeah, well if it wasn't for your feminine, romantic…not cold, stoned or stoic or whatever side, I wouldn't have bothered." Renji shouted back. Ichigo blinked.

"What the fuck have you been smoking? What do you mean you wouldn't have bothered? I thought you wanted to go out."

"Only because you wanted to! I don't celebrate Valentines Day! And no, I don't really want to be here, I'm sorry if that spoils your evening but that's just how I feel." Renji told Ichigo sounding more and more like a pms-ing woman.

"Stop acting like I dragged us here! You were the one to suggest it!"

"ONLY BECAUSE YOU WANTED ME TOO!" Ichigo was about to reply when the manager of the restaurant came over to them.

"Excuse me sirs, but you're disturbing our customers, and I'm afraid if you don't quieten down, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Oh, right I get it." Renji began turning on the manager. "It's because we're gay isn't it? Well, don't worry about us dirtying you're little pretentious prejudiced restaurant, we're leaving." And with that Renji turned on his heels and left, Ichigo following red-faced in his wake.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" Ichigo raged once they got outside.

"Look, I'm sorry I ruined your evening, I'll take you out another night."

"Arggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!" Ichigo yelled "Stop frickin' acting like that!"

"Like what?"

"Like I begged you to take me out or something? When have I ever said anything to you about taking me out to an expensive restaurant?" Ichigo ranted. Renji just stood there looking at his feet.

"Well, it's just Kon said…"

"You took advice from Kon? Seriously how much of a dumbass are you?" Ichigo asked him disbelievingly.

"Hey! I'm not a dumbass!" Renji defended heatedly.

"Whatever, doesn't matter anymore, does it?" he said and started walking, Renji right beside him. "And you do realise the manager probably had no idea we were gay right?" he added shooting a sideways glance at the red-head. Renji gave a nervous laugh.

"That was just an excuse. I'd just realised I couldn't afford to pay for dinner." He answered Ichigo sheepishly. "So what do you want to do now?" Ichigo shrugged.

"Do you want to go back to mine and make out?" He answered casually.

"Works for me."

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Next chapter: GinKira 


	3. Marry Me

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

**Warning: yaoi, swearing**

**Dedicated to Alliexxx**

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Marry Me**

"I've never…..eaten a monkey…" Yumichika muttered drunkenly trying to continue the game they'd been playing for about an hour as he hopelessly fought to keep his head up and his eyes open.

"Here, Here!" Kira yelled out before downing the rest of his glass. Someone had decided they were going to hold a Valentines Day party –alcohol included and it came to no surprise that the majority of the shinigami invited had decided to come. Many of them were dancing or making out, doing the normal Valentines Day things. However a few of them had gathered around a table and had had quite a few rounds of "I've never." But surprisingly there's very little that Izuru hasn't done, and less surprisingly, there's also very little that Yumichika hasn't done. And so this was the reason why Yumichika was about two minutes away form falling asleep on Shuuhei's shoulder and why Kira was speaking ten times louder then normal.

"You've eaten a monkey?" Soi Fon questioned being one of the most sober of those that were there. Kira looked at her strangely.

"No…where'd you get that idea from?" he asked her.

"You just drank for it. If it's not true then you shouldn't have drank….ermmm….I can't remember your name…." Yumichika butted in.

"Well, you see, what you've got to remember about monkeys is…." Kira informed. "I don't know actually, what have you got to remember about monkeys?" he mumbled to Toshirou who was sitting next to him and not looking so great.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." He whispered before running off somewhere, most likely to throw up. Rangiku watched him through half-closed eyes.

"Should we have let him drink?" all she got for a reply was Kira waving a hand in the air dismissively before falling over, his head landing directly on someone's lap. Kira giggled hysterically and uncontrollably and only stopped when he realised he didn't know who he was laying on. He looked up to find the smiling face of his captain - Ichimaru Gin.

"Whoa! Hello, Taichou!" he greeted happily.

"Hello Izuru." His captain replied just as happily. Izuru sighed brushing his blond hair out of his tired eyes.

"Did I ever tell you how freaky that smile is? I mean, it is really, really scary!" He revealed drunkenly, having lost any sense of control about ten shots ago. "But you're hot, so I suppose it's okay that you're a little freaky." He slurred. Gin's smile widened even more.

"You're cute, you know that?" He replied to the drunken vice-captain in his lap. Izuru just yawned and shrugged off the compliment.

"You're a great captain, you know that? I mean, other people say you're freaky, but I know better, see I know…..ermmm…something. You really are the best guy I've ever met, in fact, you, Taichou are my best friend…..no…you're more than that. Hey, help me up, I need to make an announcement." Kira rambled.

"Of course, Izuru." Gin stated simply as he aided Kira through the arduous task of sitting up.

"You are _so_ sweet!" Kira gushed as he managed to get himself unsteadily to his feet. "Everybody look at me! I have something to say!"

"Strip!" Rangiku called out from where she was now laying, on the floor.

"Maybe later. I would like to let you all know I'm in love with my captain and I would like to propose a marriage! Ichimaru Taichou, will you marry me?" he announced to many shocked shinigami, who got yet another shock when Gin answered.

"I'd be honoured too, my little vice-captain!" he replied earning himself a massive drunken hug from his future husband.

"Wait, I don't think either of you are in the right state of mind to be able to make such a huge decision…." Shuuhei tried to step in, though no one really took any notice of him.

"Don't listen to him Blondie; you marry whoever you want to marry! Even if it is another man! Gay sex to all!" Yumichika butted in once more.

"That's it; you can be my maid of honour!" Kira proclaimed from his fiancés arms before turning round and pulling Gin into a deep kiss.

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The sun shone through the window as the early morning light hit Kira's face. He opened his eyes slowly, a deep feeling of contentment growing in his stomach. However that soon turned into a gut-wrenching fear when he realised something. This wasn't his bed. He sat up quickly ignoring his pounding headache. What exactly happened the night before? He turned to see the figure laying next him in bed and choked on his own saliva when he realised who it was. That's when the memories came back. 

"OH SHIT!"

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Happy White Day!

review? please?


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